Before Christ

 

My story is not about how God held me through the bad times but about how He holds on to you even when you don’t hold on to Him.  I grew up with my grandparents teaching me that no matter what, God would always love me—and then life hit. 

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Between an extremely bad incident and the loss of my grandparents, I decided that God couldn’t possibly love me the way I had thought he did.  He had turned his back on me after all.  Why would he make my two grandparents who loved Him so much suffer so terribly, and why did I have to go through the things I did?  So from there I started running–from my mom, from my brothers, from myself, and mostly from God. 

 

When I Found Christ

 

The entire time I was running guilt ate me alive.  There was always this nagging in the back of my mind that I needed to come back to Him, but for many years I did not listen.  When I met Ken and acquired my stepdaughter Stephanie, I remembered what it was like to want the best for someone else.  I had run from God, but I wanted her to make some new friends and learn about God so that she could make her own decision.  I forced Stephanie to come to Grace Baptist Church for VBS, and she hated me for it at first.  After two days my quiet, sullen child came home with one of the first smiles on her face that I had seen in a LONG time.  I was so amazed at the transformation in Stephanie that Ken and I just had to come see for ourselves what had changed her.  At that point, God finally brought me home again.  We started attending Grace a little. Then, one day I was riding down the road, trying to learn to talk to God again, worried about bills and life, and felt God telling me to trust Him-to believe in His son, Jesus Christ, and to know that He loved me enough to die and rise again 3 days later for my sins.  I remember breaking down right then and praying for Jesus to come into my life. 

 

My Life After Christ

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At that moment all of the worry and fear I had felt before become lighter.   In all of the years after I took that first step of trusting Jesus, I have continued to have struggles in life but the difference is that I now know that Jesus is by my side and even when things get difficult I know He has a plan for my life and have peace even through the struggles.

 

God also gave me Grace when I decided to follow Him.  The love and welcoming in this church amazed me and before long I started remembering not only how much God loves me but how much I love God.  Every time I’ve tried to run, our GREAT God comes digging for me again.  Thank Heaven God loves us enough to not give up on us even when we give up on Him.